This was a bad idea

Remind me not to go to functions with set menus.

I know if I was one of those crazy Elisabeth Hasselbeck types who doesn't let the bread basket pass her plate for fear of gluten cross-contamination then I would have snagged a waiter to take me back to the kitchen to explain to the chef that,

Me: "Hi, I am allergic to both gluten and dairy, do you have anything on the menu I could have instead of the set menu?"

Chef: "Wow, um, well, both gluten and dairy? So no cheese?"

Me: "Nope, no cheese. Do have just like, maybe plain chicken with nothing on it? Or some sort of plain steamed veggies?"

Chef: "Um, let me see. [blank stare for about a minute followed by himming and hawing] Wow, ya we'll figure something out."

So yes, I know that doesn't seem like all that difficult of a conversation, but when you have to go through that and more every time you go out of your house to eat, it becomes a little waring. You see, what is not included in the dialogue above is all the frustration and anxiety in my head and the over-analizing of everything placed before my plate. It's dumb, I know. Hence the blog title.

Speaking of which, there are a lot of dumb things that go along with being gluten-free. Let's name a few:

1. It's DUMB that I didn't become allergic to gluten and dairy until I turned 20.

2. It's DUMB that I can no longer eat family favorite recipes (i.e. Texas Sheet Cake, Spinach Casserole-although I'm sure anything with "Spinach" related to any sort of casserole is what actually sounds dumb to most of you-pumpkin pie, and lasagna just to name a few).

3. It's DUMB how difficult it is to go out to eat.

4. It's DUMB that I cannot appreciate free food anymore because I can't eat most/all of it.

5. It's DUMB that I cannot lick the bowl anymore.

6. It's DUMB that I have become a wine connoisseur of sorts when it comes to baking (as in, I put it in my mouth to ensure I'm not poisoning others with awful food only to spit it out and wash my mouth out).

7. It's DUMB that I cannot eat pizza when that's the only food available to consume (Z-Pizza's gluten free-soy pizza is JUST not the same).

8. It's DUMB I will not be able to enjoy the feast at the wedding I will be in come November.

9. Speaking of November, it's DUMB that I now have to make a a gluten-free, dairy-free version of everything I want to eat on Thanksgiving just for me.

10.It's DUMB that food consumes my life as much as it does.

There are plenty of more DUMB things about being GFDF, but that will do for now. I hate to overwhelm you with my bitterness.

Back to my original story now. Without getting into detail, I left the table with a twice-my-normal-size-bloated-belly still wanting to be fed. Thankfully I had snacks to tide me over, but when it's 9:00pm and you haven't eaten a meal since 12pm, that doesn't help the situation either.

I'm home now. And after a long night's rest (although perhaps not long enough), I'm feeling mostly normal. Let's hope it doesn't hit my again later tonight, but for the moment I can't complain. OK, I know this whole post is basically one long complaint, but you get my drift. At least I know for SURE that I am allergic to gluten and dairy. Not that I questioned it before (I actually did) but somewhere in the back of my head I am still convinced I've made this all up. Other peoples' dirty looks don't help either.

P.S.

It's DUMB that I take as many digestive enzymes as a woman in her 90's trying to ensure she has a good BM once a week. I'm still thankful to have one a day.