ilovemylife

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

you know you are tired when...

1. You are wearing the same shirt/short/flip flop combo for the 4th day in a row.
2. You drive across the street to go to work.
3. You use the railing to pull yourself up the stairs.
4. You go to bed at 8:30pm (and sleep through the night).
5. You go to the cupboard for oatmeal and bring out popcorn.
6. You find a bowl under your bed from the time (2 nights ago) you woke up hungry in the middle of the night (which happens more than you would think).
7. You continue to sit on the floor, fearful of the day, after 29 other people have managed to stand up and get going.
8. You cry. A lot. In front of your boss(es) and volunteers.
9. The only thing to truly make you laugh is a picture of a little boy SO excited to be at VBS that he would piss his pants (seriously, how did that get on the website?)
10. Your roommate finds you crying alone in the bathroom.
11. You hug your roommate (we don't hug).
12. Just thinking about the day makes you start crying.
13. Out of desperation, you look up the name of a resort you saw on "The Hills" in the possible hopes that maybe, just maybe you could afford a spur-of-the-moment trip to Costa Rica.
14. You refer to the world's slowest sales associate as "Molasses Wednesday".
15. You fall UP the stairs.
16. You literally crawl from one room to another.
17. Telling a story sounds more like speaking in tongues while wearing a retainer.

Gosh, I sound like such a pansy. Whatever.
I don't really care what you think :)

Monday, June 28, 2010

the numbers game

Generally speaking I am not a big fan of the "numbers" game that often gets played in so-called mega churches. I don't love when numbers are spouted off after a major church event, or even the smaller ones. I hate comparing the number of kids that attended an event this year to last like I hate dwelling on that dumb number on the scale each fateful time I walk into the doctor's office (I've learned to avoid my own scale---pretty sure it's buried in some black hole in my bathroom, never again to see the light of day). However, this week I have been reminded why numbers matter.

Last year I attended a conference where a very well known pastor and author made a bold statement when asked about the "numbers" he so often rattles off and celebrates. He is pastor to a big church. And by "big" I mean BIG (think Biggie, not Tupac size). He is what you or I might call a "big shot". You either love him or hate him but and this particular interview I was at least learning to appreciate him. When asked about the numbers game his response was this:

"Numbers matter because each number represents a person, and each person represents life change."

To that I can agree. No more can I agree to it than this week when I saw 2,024 kids walk on to my church's campus with some 750+ volunteers in tow. I'm already beginning to hear stories about life change, and it's only day one. Through weeks like this you see the lives of kids change through the volunteers who are being challenged as leaders and spiritual "guides" (we literally call them guides) and the work God does through them. When 750+ volunteers step up to serve the Kingdom, life change happens. Kids learn to serve. They learn about Jesus. Friendships are formed and relationships are built. Each one of those 2,024 kids is a life that matters, a life that can elicit change in their own family and community. Each one of those lives matter, and I can give you the names of 750+ volunteers who would agree with me.

Thanks for letting me be a little cheesy today. You know I'm always good for some sarcasm, so I'm sure I'll get back to that soon enough. For now, xxxo GIGA (God Is Always Good--HA!) Ok, sorry I just wrote that out....might regret that later.

here we go (again)

Today is day one, which is really day two, which is actually day three.

While today is the actual start, yesterday was set-up, and I'm already on day three of wearing this quite flattering blue t-shirt. And by flattering I mean not. Although I'm definitely not complaining in comparison to last year's neon green shirt.

This is day three of 8 actually. It will all be over in just 8 days. This shirt I will don 8 flattering times. I'm definitely going to find my husband in this shirt. Can't wait.

In all honesty, so far, so good. I think 2010 has been preparing me for this very week. At that moment when you think you might snap or break, laughter sets in and you [I] just can't stop. Laughter really is the best medicine. If the delirium I experienced yesterday is any sign of what is to come, this could be a very funny week. And by funny I mean tiring. And by tiring I mean fun. And by fun I mean exhausting. However, I've made it through this once before. I've done all I can do. I've organized and purged all possible knowledge, experience, and organization I possibly can. Now it's time to let others step in [God included] and rock it.

...to be continued.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

this week

You know that feeling of wanting to start something just so you can get it over with? Like doing a presentation or starting a project school related or not. Well, that's exactly how I am feeling. It's a bittersweet feeling. I genuinely want to start something. But even more, I want to be done with it. Currently I'd rather be in the middle of it than waiting around for it. And at the same time I'm dreading it.

I've spent a relatively unsuccessful weekend relaxing. Considering how much I love being home, how much I love doing nothing on the couch, how much I love T.V. and being alone, I'm not very good at the whole "relaxing" thing. Maybe I should get one of those "Frankie Says RELAX" t-shirts that came from my generation (although I admit I was likely in diapers at the time the shirt was popularized). Maybe if I added that to my nightshirt rotation the phrase might somehow seep into my pours and take hold of my mind and body. Hmm, remind me to do that.
[P.S. How did I manage to sound like a loner night-shirt-wearing-grandma stuck in the 80's in a matter of three sentences?]

This week (and today) have been a long time coming, and arrived quicker than a plane with no wings. Let's hope the landing goes OK.

This week is exhausting to think about, so I'm [sort of] trying not to do that. I'm praying for super human strength and the ability to take things one at a time. I'm hoping (and planning) on enjoying this week. Hope and pray with me!

...to be continued.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

brooklyn vs. laguna beach

For being in Children's Ministry I listen to some pretty trashy music. While most people jazz themselves up for Sunday morning with a stop at Starbucks on the way into the 9am service or with the hope for a between service donut, I get my swag on by listing to T.I.'s "Swing ya rag" or the good ol' standby, Jay-Z on my 2.5 minute commute. My latest addition to the playlist? Christina Aguilera & NIcki Minaj's "Wahoo". If you know Christina, or have perhaps come across one of Nicki's latest slew of features in popular rap songs, this song is no "Genie in a Bottle". But don't worry, I bought the "clean" version.

Speaking of which, what passes for "clean" these days is quite open to interpretation. Not only in music, but in T.V. as well. Unless I am on my own on this one, I'm pretty sure there was an unedited F-bomb dropped at the MTV Movie Awards on cable T.V. a few weeks back. But I'm not here to judge. (Note here that I am only adding to the pile of evidence proving my tendency to listen to trashy music).

At one point I owned actual worship CD's, well, probably burned copies, but worship music nonetheless. I liked it. I listened to it. I moped around my room to it in my teenage angst. I'm not sure where all those CD's ended up--probably in Panama along with my baby blanket that I swear is keeping a small child warm at night. I mean, it's got to get cold at night there, right? Crap. It's amazing what you'll tell yourself to make losing your fondest childhood memento hit you in the gut a little less harshly.

Back to the worship music. I'm really not sure what happened to all that music, but I definitely don't own any currently. Unless you count U2, which is still up for debate. I could buy some. There is bound to be a "Top 10 Christian Downloads on iTunes" list, but really I'd rather check the "Genius Recommendations" which currently list the following suggestions:

1. Drake, Thank Me Later
2. Eminem, Recovery
3. Drake, 9am in Dallas
4. The Bravery, Live at the Wiltern...
5. 3OH!3, Double Vision
6. Weezer, Represent
7. Ice Cube, I Rap that West
8. The Gaslight Anthem, American Slang

...and quite a few others. Oh look!

9. Jesus Culture, My Passion

Hmm, I wonder how that ended up on there? I must have something with "Jesus" in the title buried in my rap & alternative laced iTunes library. However, in my defense Coldplay's "Parachutes" happens to be my number 1 played song with a play count of 259. While it may not be "Christian" music at least it's clean, right?

To be honest, I don't feel much remorse over my lack of the Red Man, Song on a Hill, or other Christian goodness. Personally I think it's funny when I catch myself listening to Snoop Dogg & Pharell's "Drop it Like it's Hot" or the New Boyz' "Skinny Jeans" while editing small group lessons and writing volunteer e-mails. Sometimes that's all that keeps me going through the day.

Speaking of getting through, who get's motivated for a good workout by listening to "Blessed by Your Name"? Let's be honest people, it just doesn't work like that. Maybe I'd give in to it for a stretching session at the end of a good burn, or perhaps a contemplative walk along the beach (really though, how often does that actually happen?) if you paid me with frozen yogurt at the end. There is nothing like turning Destiny Childs' "Survivor" or Christina's "Fighter" on to get your butt in gear.

I am definitely not judging you, your taste in music, or likely extensive collection of the Red Man. This is just one of those ironic thoughts I think is funny. There is really no other reason for sharing this with you than to hopefully get a good laugh out of it for you. I love my rap. I love my hip hop. I love that people never expect it out of me. I come across as more of a Jack Johnson, Taylor Swift kind of girl. While I think I own both those albums, they are pretty far down on my play count list. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong body, or rather the wrong colored body. Or at least in the wrong town. When it comes to music, I'm a little more Brooklyn, a little less Laguna Beach. I like it that way, And I look forward to many more dance parties to keep me laughing, and to keep you on your toes.

there was a spider in my bed tonight

I must admit, although you already know, that I have totally slacked at blogging in the last few weeks. I have had numerous "blog thoughts", but as much as I wish I could remember every one of those thoughts, I must admit it's a talent I have yet to learn.

I'm currently in the midst of VBS. I hate to be the Children's MInistry person who makes a bigger deal of it than necessary, but it really is a draining time of year. It takes a special breed of people to make VBS happen, and for that reason alone I am beyond grateful for the volunteers I have on my team this year. I'd say it couldn't be done without them, but I know that's not necessarily true because I am pretty sure that's exactly what happened last year; the "Ali Show" as I like to call it. Honestly the thought of the S*** that hit the fan last year makes me well up with tears.

But on to other things...OK, that's all I got. My mind is a bit consumed with VBS right now. I'll keep you posted if I have any witty, smart things to share with you. I always do--it's just a matter of me writing them down.

Sorry to bore you with my life. I prefer topical blogs than talking about myself. But this will have to do for now.

P.S. No, the title had nothing to do with the blog. Just thought I would share that fact with you.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

storytime

No, it's not reading time for your toddler.

Although memories of tattered old books, visions of mommies and their toddlers (or nannies in my case) and the dingy smell of library books and baggies of stale goldish might come mind when you think of "storytime", the storytime I am talking about is a little different. The storytime I am talking about elicits visions of an old guy leading equally old worship songs, my pastor and his entourage furiously scribbling down notes, the smell of burnt coffee, and awkward attempts to instigate a varity of emotions through christianese taglines like "this is a story about God's ability to shine in the closet of life" come to mind. Ok, no one ever said that last tagline, but it's pretty darn close to the gems I get to hear every Tuesday, bright and early.

Like I said, every Tuesday our staff comes together to tell stories of what is going on in our respective ministry areas. What started as an opportunity to celebrate what good God is doing throughout our church somehow morphed into what feels like a show and tell-off to get credit and approval for our hard work. Notes are written on a variety of non-iPads (i.e. steno pads), cameras roll tape and game faces are put on. Some love it, some hate it, others just get through it.

I think I am in that last category. In my two years of staff I've shared a few stories, even gotten a few laughs and a shout out or two (bonus points in my book). But generally speaking I look at the stories, the worship, the filming and the awkward silences simply as the start to another Tuesday. The least I'll get out of it is a good laugh at the guy who loves singles ministry an calls me (quietly) "the next children's pastor" and the girl who coughs into the mic (my rommate).

However, lately there is added pressure for us to share at storytime. I'd rather not, but I am willing. I am not quite sure what the drawback is for me. Here are the thoughts that usually go through my head on Monday night in preparation for an early Tuesday start:
1. My story is incomplete
2. My story is cliche
3. My story is boring
4. My story is short
5. My story is not funny
6. Someone else will tell their story, why do I need to share one?
7. I don't have a story
8. I don't like [insert person writing on steno pad in front of me] and I don't want to play along in this game.
9. His/her/their story is much better than mine
10. No one died in my story
11. No one got "saved" in my story
12. Everyone else's story was years in the making and I am only 23.
13. Suck it

Ok no, I don't usually think that last one, but maybe a little small part of my feels that way.

As good as it is to celebrate that God is good, there is something about the gloating--at least how I see it--that drives me bonkers. Storytime seems contrary to that whole "humility" thing we talk about so frequently come the 5pm, 9 & 11am services. Maybe it's all in my head. Or maybe this is one of those "mega church" things I will just never be used to. I'm still not used to all the number reportig stuff, but at least now I expect it. I cannot help but feel like the stories are contrived.

But that is the cynic in me.

I realized something important last week. My supervisor said somethig along the lines of,

"If we don't have stories from the moment and weekend when we are exhuasted, then we need to reevaluate why we are so exhausted becuse we definitely feel it often."

It's true. I'm tired pretty often. This past weeked was a perfect example. Excluding the personal life stuff I did last weekend (was there any??) here's an idea of what my weekend looked like:

Friday: Sleepover with Jr. Highers (pool, food, movies, breakfast...)

Saturday: shopping for parent/Jr. High meet & greet, church*, set up for services, set up meet & greet, blow up balloons, train summer intern, church, clean up, change clothes,
Jr high awards ceremony...home.

Sunday: pick up donuts, set up meet & greet, get service started, head to Jr. high service 25 mins in to see small group girl speak, back to church, meet & greet, church, clean, kick people put, training meeting, home.
*Small Group Celebrations weekend

Attention: This is not an attempt to get your sympathy. This is an extreme (but very real) depiction of a weekend in ministry.

As you can see, a lot happens in a weekend. And the same goes for my personal life. You are no different. You are not excluded from this lifestyle; chances are you're right their with me. But if there are no stories from all we do, and by these I mean the (dare I say) "God stories", then what's the point? Life is worth living when everything you do is for God. Our efforts should not be done in vain to better ourselves or make ourselves look better. Ultimately our efforts only matter when we do them to honor God and bring others to know his name. Our efforts should be for the Kingdom.

I'm nt always good at this. To be honest I'm down right bad at it more often than not. But it's a thought. A thought I am processing and workng through. Unfortunately I think this is one of those things that will always be a work
In progress.

I'd rather work.