This whole working out thing is really beginning to kick my butt! BUT, I love it. I really do. There is so much peace in knowing that I have worked my body to the point of exhaustion.
Despite its imperfections I know my body has changed in many, many ways. Perhaps the most important thing I have learned is that if this is what my body looks like when I am eating well and exercising often, then apparently this is how my body was made to look. Again, there is no greater peace than knowing that. With peace comes great confidence.
I know I can push myself. I know I am stronger than ever before. I know this is just the beginning (although it's been about 6 months now).
You know you've worked out hard when you are soar within an hour of finishing your workout. And it feels so good :)
ilovemylife
Monday, March 22, 2010
mental purge
Part of me is writing this blog solely because I like the way the keys on my laptop feel on the tips of my fingers. I am also writing this because I've realized a lot about myself in the last few weeks/months.
I realized that working out really makes your body tired, but feels OH-SO-GOOD.
I realized that I like my job a lot more than I used to. I realized that while I may not be called to this particular job forever, I AM called to kids, and I AM called to this job at this point in my life. There is no where else I should be and I am hear for a reason.
I realized that my best friend and I laugh EXCESSIVELY.
I realized that I am MUCH more confident than I used to be. And when I say "used to" I mean that I am more confident than I was a few years ago, a few months ago, and even a few weeks ago.
I realized that I am 23. Not 32, not 302. I am YOUNG and enjoying life. I have so much left to live and life is just not worth living if you can't laugh your way through it. Being embarrassed or shameful really does no good for anyone. Laughing, however, brings joy to everyone.
I realized that I am more independent than I ever knew I was. It's hard for me to be dependent on others, even though sometimes I (used to) wish someone would take care of me.
I realized that healing takes a leap of faith; a leap I took that I am waiting to see the results of.
I realized that I am not scared of boys anymore (I don't think so).
I realized that I've struggled with some bitterness in my life, but that time is over. Phew.
I realized that I really DO enjoy my friends. I enjoy good company and catching up with people. People aren't as draining as they used to be but i am not sure how or why that has changed.
I realized that I care a lot more about people than I used to.
I realized that I want to be around people who are supportive, encouraging, and challenging.
I realized that I have been given the gift of patience, I just didn't know I had it. I'm not sure if it's new or old gift, but either way I know i have it.
I realized that I am NOT in a rush.
I realized that friendship is really important to me.
I realized how much I have to be grateful for.
I realized that I love life. I love my life.
I realized that working out really makes your body tired, but feels OH-SO-GOOD.
I realized that I like my job a lot more than I used to. I realized that while I may not be called to this particular job forever, I AM called to kids, and I AM called to this job at this point in my life. There is no where else I should be and I am hear for a reason.
I realized that my best friend and I laugh EXCESSIVELY.
I realized that I am MUCH more confident than I used to be. And when I say "used to" I mean that I am more confident than I was a few years ago, a few months ago, and even a few weeks ago.
I realized that I am 23. Not 32, not 302. I am YOUNG and enjoying life. I have so much left to live and life is just not worth living if you can't laugh your way through it. Being embarrassed or shameful really does no good for anyone. Laughing, however, brings joy to everyone.
I realized that I am more independent than I ever knew I was. It's hard for me to be dependent on others, even though sometimes I (used to) wish someone would take care of me.
I realized that healing takes a leap of faith; a leap I took that I am waiting to see the results of.
I realized that I am not scared of boys anymore (I don't think so).
I realized that I've struggled with some bitterness in my life, but that time is over. Phew.
I realized that I really DO enjoy my friends. I enjoy good company and catching up with people. People aren't as draining as they used to be but i am not sure how or why that has changed.
I realized that I care a lot more about people than I used to.
I realized that I want to be around people who are supportive, encouraging, and challenging.
I realized that I have been given the gift of patience, I just didn't know I had it. I'm not sure if it's new or old gift, but either way I know i have it.
I realized that I am NOT in a rush.
I realized that friendship is really important to me.
I realized how much I have to be grateful for.
I realized that I love life. I love my life.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
ministry
One of the unique opportunities I've had in the last few weeks, closer to months at this point, is taking part of a discipleship/small group class as part of the staff of my church (and employer). While I recognize the rarity of having an opportunity of this sort at my place of work, I can't say I was excited to partake in this class. I think annoyed would be the more appropriate word.
Since its start we have shared plenty of awkward moments with each other. Followed by awkward conversation. And a few more awkward moments. On the flip side, it has been fun getting to know the unique quirks and gifts of each person. We are a group that spans many ages, experiences, life stages, and careers. With that comes many unique perspectives and thoughts on life, faith, and career. Which were the very topics of today's conversation. Which brings me to...
Calling. Calling, career, passion, gifts. How much do they relate to each other? Are they the same? Are they different? How do they effect each other?
A lot of opinions were thrown around, but here is mine, from my own experience.
I struggle to say I am called to my job, because I don't know if it is what I want to do forever. I can say that I am called to certain parts of my job. For example: kids. I am passionate about kids and the opportunity to develop their spiritual lives, even if I don't see the fruit of that labor. With that in mind I don't think my job is the only way for me to make a dent in the Kingdom of God (please don't take that as minimally as it sounds). I am, however, confident that I am exactly where God wants me to be for this time in my life. So maybe that means I am called to my job. I guess the difference for me is that I don't think that is ALL I am called to.
Each of us has different Spiritual Gifts that can be utilized in a plethora of ways. I have gifts from God that I don't get to use in my job that I, fortunately, utilize outside of my "career". Utilizing my other gifts, those outside of the work field, enables me to stay committed to my job. Why? Because I know that my gifts don't stop being used at 5pm, Mon-Thurdsay + weekends. I use many of my gifts at work, and the others in the world I live in every day...away from work. With that in mind, although I may be called to my job, I am not called ONLY to my job. I am called to life. To bringing glory to the Kingdom of God with whatever gifts or means possible. Does God care less about what I am doing than how and why I am doing it? I think so. I don't know how hung up he is on our trade. I think he is hung up on how my life glorifies him. So maybe I'm called to my job, maybe not. Either way, it's easier for me to focus on bettering the Kingdom in ALL I do than focus on solely what I am doing. It's about being, not just doing.
What's your focus? Are you Mary or Martha?
Since its start we have shared plenty of awkward moments with each other. Followed by awkward conversation. And a few more awkward moments. On the flip side, it has been fun getting to know the unique quirks and gifts of each person. We are a group that spans many ages, experiences, life stages, and careers. With that comes many unique perspectives and thoughts on life, faith, and career. Which were the very topics of today's conversation. Which brings me to...
Calling. Calling, career, passion, gifts. How much do they relate to each other? Are they the same? Are they different? How do they effect each other?
A lot of opinions were thrown around, but here is mine, from my own experience.
I struggle to say I am called to my job, because I don't know if it is what I want to do forever. I can say that I am called to certain parts of my job. For example: kids. I am passionate about kids and the opportunity to develop their spiritual lives, even if I don't see the fruit of that labor. With that in mind I don't think my job is the only way for me to make a dent in the Kingdom of God (please don't take that as minimally as it sounds). I am, however, confident that I am exactly where God wants me to be for this time in my life. So maybe that means I am called to my job. I guess the difference for me is that I don't think that is ALL I am called to.
Each of us has different Spiritual Gifts that can be utilized in a plethora of ways. I have gifts from God that I don't get to use in my job that I, fortunately, utilize outside of my "career". Utilizing my other gifts, those outside of the work field, enables me to stay committed to my job. Why? Because I know that my gifts don't stop being used at 5pm, Mon-Thurdsay + weekends. I use many of my gifts at work, and the others in the world I live in every day...away from work. With that in mind, although I may be called to my job, I am not called ONLY to my job. I am called to life. To bringing glory to the Kingdom of God with whatever gifts or means possible. Does God care less about what I am doing than how and why I am doing it? I think so. I don't know how hung up he is on our trade. I think he is hung up on how my life glorifies him. So maybe I'm called to my job, maybe not. Either way, it's easier for me to focus on bettering the Kingdom in ALL I do than focus on solely what I am doing. It's about being, not just doing.
What's your focus? Are you Mary or Martha?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
health, joy, peace
I realized I haven't mentioned much about food lately. Seeing that this blog was at least partially created out of my relatively new GFDF lifestyle, I figure I should at least mention it once and a while.
Here is the scoop: I've been feeling really good lately-like, really good. I try not to let the fear of what pain lurks around the corner paralyze me, but I really don't ever know when it's coming. That will be a continuous battle I think.
One difference I have made that seems to be contributing to this pain-free lifestyle is that I stopped taking fiber and vitamins. I have always been a huge proponent of getting nutrients from their original source and not depending on supplements to do the trick (although I highly debate whether there is much supplementing going on). Long story short, I ran out of multiple vitamins I was taking daily and didn't have time to replace them. By default supplemental fiber was cut from my diet. While I thought this might wreck my insides, it seemed to do just the opposite. Maybe there really is something to this...
In other news, I've actually been exercising. I've been extremely regularly with my routine since October and I think it's starting to pay off. I am beginning to notice changes in the muscle tone of my body. I feel stronger (never really knew that feeling before), and I feel like I could keep going. I bumped up my routine in the last month or so, and that seems to really be doing the trick. I'm not sure if I weigh much less, but I genuinely feel really good inside. It's a good feeling. A very good feeling.
So here is to 2010! A year of health, joy, and peace!
Here is the scoop: I've been feeling really good lately-like, really good. I try not to let the fear of what pain lurks around the corner paralyze me, but I really don't ever know when it's coming. That will be a continuous battle I think.
One difference I have made that seems to be contributing to this pain-free lifestyle is that I stopped taking fiber and vitamins. I have always been a huge proponent of getting nutrients from their original source and not depending on supplements to do the trick (although I highly debate whether there is much supplementing going on). Long story short, I ran out of multiple vitamins I was taking daily and didn't have time to replace them. By default supplemental fiber was cut from my diet. While I thought this might wreck my insides, it seemed to do just the opposite. Maybe there really is something to this...
In other news, I've actually been exercising. I've been extremely regularly with my routine since October and I think it's starting to pay off. I am beginning to notice changes in the muscle tone of my body. I feel stronger (never really knew that feeling before), and I feel like I could keep going. I bumped up my routine in the last month or so, and that seems to really be doing the trick. I'm not sure if I weigh much less, but I genuinely feel really good inside. It's a good feeling. A very good feeling.
So here is to 2010! A year of health, joy, and peace!
burn
Have you ever wanted to telling someone, er, everyone about something?
I imagine it something like knowing the gender of your unborn child, or the name you've chosen for that child, and not telling anyone because A) you want to keep it your little secret or B) you're afraid something might change between now and the time that child is born.
The question is, who do you tell and when do you tell them? Patience is a virtue, and I guess this one's for keeps-for now.
Secret burn. Burn like fire. Burn like peroxide sitting on a raw wound.
So what do you do with that secret while it burns? As long as it's mine for keeps, what do I do with it? I refuse to write about it out of fear it might be nothing. I hate to let myself down. I'm bad at that-letting myself down. My conscience is my nemesis.
To be continued...
I imagine it something like knowing the gender of your unborn child, or the name you've chosen for that child, and not telling anyone because A) you want to keep it your little secret or B) you're afraid something might change between now and the time that child is born.
The question is, who do you tell and when do you tell them? Patience is a virtue, and I guess this one's for keeps-for now.
Secret burn. Burn like fire. Burn like peroxide sitting on a raw wound.
So what do you do with that secret while it burns? As long as it's mine for keeps, what do I do with it? I refuse to write about it out of fear it might be nothing. I hate to let myself down. I'm bad at that-letting myself down. My conscience is my nemesis.
To be continued...
thoughts of god
Here is a true life snapshot from my day:
Child: Your mean.
Self: OK, that's fine.
Child: Your really mean.
Self: You know, I don't really care what you think.
Child: Well your a bad person. God would care.
Self: Oh really?
Child: You're not a Godly person. You're a bad person.
Self: Alright, well, you can think that if you want.
Oh to be a 4th grader. Those were the days...when I knew the thoughts of God.
Child: Your mean.
Self: OK, that's fine.
Child: Your really mean.
Self: You know, I don't really care what you think.
Child: Well your a bad person. God would care.
Self: Oh really?
Child: You're not a Godly person. You're a bad person.
Self: Alright, well, you can think that if you want.
Oh to be a 4th grader. Those were the days...when I knew the thoughts of God.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
all i know is that i don't
As I walked across the stage I knew the world had so much to offer me. With my degree in hand and a cap on my head the world was my oyster, and this was the first step in cracking it open. Little did I know what would happen when I opened that oyster. Sometimes it smells like rot from the bottom of the ocean, other times like the sweet smell of an ocean breeze.
I've experienced both in the last two years.
As you may know I adopted a new phrase for everything in the last few months-whatever! Life gives you lemons and they turn out to be rotten? Whatever! Job sucks? Whatever! Missed a loan payment by mistake? Whatever! There is jut no better way to deal with life than, Whatever!
With eternal gratitude I must admit 2010 is beginning to prove itself. It will in no way make up for 2009, but I am not looking for that anyways. I am simply hoping and praying for joy and peace in 2010. I sound a bit like a Christmas carol here, but it's the truth. Peace, joy, and love. What better things to live your life by?
Within two months of graduation I already had a "career" in place. I debated if I might tour the world before "settling down" but with no funds to tour with and a job in my lap, I went the career route. I don't regret it. But I also don't understand it. I'm amazed I've made it this far, but how much longer will I last? To be fair it's gotten better in the last 6 months or so. It gives me hope for the future, but I still wonder where God wants me in the future. But I can't know that. All I can really know is today and what plans God has for me in this moment. Life is meant to be lived and I am learning to enjoy the moment. I am confident I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. I don't know why I have such great confidence in this, but I have felt this way for some time.
At 23 I have plenty of life to live. I don't know what the future holds and each day I imagine it looking quite different. What will I be? Where will I live? Who will I become? What is to come? However, the only actual important question is who am I living for? And guess what. I actually know the answer to this one. I live for God. I don't know where that will lead me but a little mystery is always exciting, right? Mystery and adventure-some of God's greatest qualities.
I've experienced both in the last two years.
As you may know I adopted a new phrase for everything in the last few months-whatever! Life gives you lemons and they turn out to be rotten? Whatever! Job sucks? Whatever! Missed a loan payment by mistake? Whatever! There is jut no better way to deal with life than, Whatever!
With eternal gratitude I must admit 2010 is beginning to prove itself. It will in no way make up for 2009, but I am not looking for that anyways. I am simply hoping and praying for joy and peace in 2010. I sound a bit like a Christmas carol here, but it's the truth. Peace, joy, and love. What better things to live your life by?
Within two months of graduation I already had a "career" in place. I debated if I might tour the world before "settling down" but with no funds to tour with and a job in my lap, I went the career route. I don't regret it. But I also don't understand it. I'm amazed I've made it this far, but how much longer will I last? To be fair it's gotten better in the last 6 months or so. It gives me hope for the future, but I still wonder where God wants me in the future. But I can't know that. All I can really know is today and what plans God has for me in this moment. Life is meant to be lived and I am learning to enjoy the moment. I am confident I am exactly where God wants me to be right now. I don't know why I have such great confidence in this, but I have felt this way for some time.
At 23 I have plenty of life to live. I don't know what the future holds and each day I imagine it looking quite different. What will I be? Where will I live? Who will I become? What is to come? However, the only actual important question is who am I living for? And guess what. I actually know the answer to this one. I live for God. I don't know where that will lead me but a little mystery is always exciting, right? Mystery and adventure-some of God's greatest qualities.
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