woman with issues

Do you ever wonder who reads your blog? Well, I do.

I write these semi-random blogs, post them to the internet as if I am the only one who knows the words I've spelled out, as if they are written in my personal journal hidden under my mattress (OK, not really), but then people actually read them. People I know? A few. People I don't? Apparently a few more than I realized. How do I know? Well, I'm also one of those people who tracks how many people come to my blog. Yes, I am curious like that. It's definitely not a popularity contest, just curiosity.

Speaking of which, what brings people to this blog? I wonder what rabbit trail they went on to get here. I'm sure I'm misleading people by my blog title. I must admit the title represents a period of bitterness. But now, however many months later, instead of *gasp* bitching about it I'm trying to do something about it. How, you ask?

1. Visiting a doctor

2. Praying

3. Enjoying life and laughing a lot

While some of these options might seem to be obvious, it is not so. It takes a lot more effort than you might imagine to do any of these things. Why? Because each of these things requires action. Each requires a conscious effort. Each requires faith. Healing is not for the lazy person.

"As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. ⁴³And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. ⁴⁴She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

⁴⁵"Who touched me?" Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

⁴⁶But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

⁴⁷Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. ⁴⁸Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

The woman in this passage made an effort, a big effort, to be healed. She had faith. She took action. This woman was not lazy, but instead stepped out in faith with unwavering confidence that she would be healed. For her it was not a question of if she would be healed, but instead, "how will I get to Jesus?". She had exhausted all of her options (verse 43) and knew Jesus was the answer. How often is it that we wait until we've exhausted all the options in our control before going to Jesus? We treat Jesus like a savings account: it won't last forever, so only use it when you have to. And it better be for something good.

We go to Jesus in desperate moments when we don't know what else to do. He's a great resource, but not one we want to use up. How messed up is that? We rape the earth each day with our water bottles, plastic bags, styrofoam cups, and diaper-filled landfills leaving it high and dry for the generations after us, but we can't go to God in faith that he, the Creator of all we've destroyed, the Great Physician can heal us. That he can redeem us. That he love us.

I am thankful for God's grace. Thankful he puts up with my crap. Thankful he understands me even better than I will ever understand myself. Scripture says, "ask and it shall be given to you..." (Matthew 7:6) so here I am, asking for healing. I'm taking steps towards healing, taking action and putting more faith into it than I ever have before. I know God is has the bigger picture in mind, and trusting that somehow I fit into it.

Wish me luck.