Lunchtime Epiphone

You know you're white trash when...

1. You bring soup to work in a mason jar because you ran out of tupperware (and eat it out of the jar also).

2. You are too cheap to buy a Halloween costume so you debate between...

a. wearing an apron and calling yourself a "housewife" or "baker"

b. wearing a robe and calling yourself a "housewife"

c. wear the same cat ears you wore as a 5th grader*

d. wearing your middle school band jacket and calling yourself a "Jr. Higher"

e. wearing your graduation gown (enough said)

f. wearing your graduation dress and calling yourself "Greek"

3. Your co-worker tells you you are.

*winner

Eulogy of a Good Friend

To my good friend, you have done well to me these last 18 months. You've provided immediate fulfillment in tough times and nourishment only you could provide. You have been manifested in so many ways to reach all corners of this place we call home. You welcome me with open arms always sharing your many facets.

But now, you've turned my back and abandoned me. You were my last glimmer of hope, and now I am all alone. What will I do without you? New friends come and go. Although I feared you might one day leave me, I had hope that you'd stick by me, be my friend, my joy. Now you bring me pain and frustration, discomfort and only a brief moment of contentment. I'm afraid we can no longer exist in friendship, although my memories of you will forever be of the joy you've brought me for so long. Now you must join the other friends I have put to rest. I think dearly of each of you.

To my dear frenemie, frozen yogurt, you will be missed dearly.

It's official

The pressure is on. Now that my blog has been "linked" with another per someone I may or may not be related to, it's on! I am fairly positive no one has actually followed the link yet, but that may have something to do with the midnight-mama crowd that stalks each others websites. For those of you who don't know, mid-night mamas are all those crazy moms, stay-at-home or not, who inch along throughout their day in dire anticipation of the post bedtime freedom they are allowed once the kiddos are safe in bed. Come 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00...little by little these mamas inch their way to one blog, then another, and another. The blogging goes on and I am pretty sure they are the reason for the existence of it all.

Obviously I cannot say I am part of this specific blogging crowd, but now that I follow two such blogs, I can say I am at least a part time blogger, especially now that I am a gluten-free

stalk---er, I mean mean blogger.

Perhaps it has something to do with deleting my Facebook, or rather, "deactivating" my Facebook. Apparently I needed to find some other online forum for keeping my brain going at all hours of the night. But let's be frank. Actually, I'll be frank, you be Alice. I like writing. I have always been a writer in some capacity whether it be journaling or writing papers. (Want to know a secret? I really enjoyed writing papers in college--even the ones I procrastinated to do). I like writing and my mind is constantly going, especially once night falls. I have been a night owl since the days of sleepovers at Grammy's house when I stayed up long past any decent hour watching Wheel of Fortune, Jeopardy, nighttime specials and Law and Order reruns. I followed in her footsteps and sometimes beyond. There must have been something in the eggnog.

Writing is a means of straightening out the thoughts in my oh-so-jumbled head. There are too many to count, sort or organize, so writing becomes the best means for living out my type-A tendencies. That and strategically putting all my food in type/size specific plastic ware organized by style in my pantry. And obsessively organizing, then reorganizing my ever expanding collection of earrings and pajama shirts.

I love writing and this has become my forum for doing so. Would I one day like to make a career out of it? Yes. Children's books perhaps? Check. Cookbook writing? Check. So this is the beginning. There may not always be a method to it. I may not always have a witty and descriptive title (although I personally find my blog title quite smart), but here it is and here I am. Shaken and stirred but hopefully not repeated.

Midnight Munchies

I seem to have a problem lately. This is not the first time I have experienced it, but it has definitely been a while. I am pretty sure I should be ashamed of this, but I will explain why I am not.

At least 2-3 times a week in the last few weeks I find myself in the kitchen, eating, at ungodly hours of the night. It is not that I get the munchies, walk downstairs and finish a carton of ice cream. This is much worse. I wake up out of a dead sleep come 2am and find myself downstairs with whichever kitchen utensil I find most accessible eating bite after bite of one leftover or another.

The reason I am not as ashamed as perhaps I should be is that although I am aware of the fact that I am awake, I have little to no control over my actions. Essentially I am sleep-eating. This is no excuse for this odd behavior, but I at least feel better about the fact that my actions slightly resemble and out of body experience. One minute I am sitting straight up in bed with my eyes perched towards the door, my hand clamoring for the blankets that suffocate me through the night, the next minute my hand is going for a scoop of spanish rice, a bite of chili, or my mouth going for a rice cake smothered in peanut butter.

My only explanation for this odd behavior is that I have been making great strides to modify some of my eating habits. I am not necessarily eating that much less during the day, but definitely trying to limit how late my snacking goes into the night. Lately my last nibble or munch has come no later than 9pm. That is late for some I know, but it is realistic for me considering I am always hungry. Anyways, I have gone to bed a little more hungry than normal since trying to modify my diet, therefore I am beginning to question if I am getting enough calories in throughout the day. I am working out at least 3-4 times a week on top of everything, so is that to blame also? Or is this one of those cruel tricks your body plays on you to sabotage any new routine you are trying to establish?

My plan for the next 2 days is to eat something a little later in the day than I have been in hopes that my body does not "need" any more nutrients throughout the night. Then I will scale back again to see if my body will adjust.

If sleep-eating is the result of a lack of nutrients or calories, then I wonder what sleep-walking is the result of. Lack of exercise? Boredom? Oh, the mysteries of life.

A thought

I had a thought the other day. As I laid in bed going through my day and what was to come tomorrow I realized how quickly my birthday would be here. In the moment I thought, "I guess I finally figured out how to be 22," to which I quickly realized, "Actually NO, I have not learned how to be 22, I am just going to skip to 23-let's see how that goes."

As we all know, 22 has not been the easiest year of my life. I have looked forward to being 22 since I was a little girl and I have disappointingly been let down, very far down. I can't say I figured out how to be 22, but I can say that I persevered, went through a lot of crap, and now it's at least close to being over. It's been a LONG year and in no way has it been easy. I'm not sure what I learned this year or what I was supposed to get out of it, but maybe there will be some follow-up in my 23rd year. Come a month from now this blog will be "My life at 23" (unless I think of something a little more witty). Let's hope this year goes a little better.

This was a bad idea

Remind me not to go to functions with set menus.

I know if I was one of those crazy Elisabeth Hasselbeck types who doesn't let the bread basket pass her plate for fear of gluten cross-contamination then I would have snagged a waiter to take me back to the kitchen to explain to the chef that,

Me: "Hi, I am allergic to both gluten and dairy, do you have anything on the menu I could have instead of the set menu?"

Chef: "Wow, um, well, both gluten and dairy? So no cheese?"

Me: "Nope, no cheese. Do have just like, maybe plain chicken with nothing on it? Or some sort of plain steamed veggies?"

Chef: "Um, let me see. [blank stare for about a minute followed by himming and hawing] Wow, ya we'll figure something out."

So yes, I know that doesn't seem like all that difficult of a conversation, but when you have to go through that and more every time you go out of your house to eat, it becomes a little waring. You see, what is not included in the dialogue above is all the frustration and anxiety in my head and the over-analizing of everything placed before my plate. It's dumb, I know. Hence the blog title.

Speaking of which, there are a lot of dumb things that go along with being gluten-free. Let's name a few:

1. It's DUMB that I didn't become allergic to gluten and dairy until I turned 20.

2. It's DUMB that I can no longer eat family favorite recipes (i.e. Texas Sheet Cake, Spinach Casserole-although I'm sure anything with "Spinach" related to any sort of casserole is what actually sounds dumb to most of you-pumpkin pie, and lasagna just to name a few).

3. It's DUMB how difficult it is to go out to eat.

4. It's DUMB that I cannot appreciate free food anymore because I can't eat most/all of it.

5. It's DUMB that I cannot lick the bowl anymore.

6. It's DUMB that I have become a wine connoisseur of sorts when it comes to baking (as in, I put it in my mouth to ensure I'm not poisoning others with awful food only to spit it out and wash my mouth out).

7. It's DUMB that I cannot eat pizza when that's the only food available to consume (Z-Pizza's gluten free-soy pizza is JUST not the same).

8. It's DUMB I will not be able to enjoy the feast at the wedding I will be in come November.

9. Speaking of November, it's DUMB that I now have to make a a gluten-free, dairy-free version of everything I want to eat on Thanksgiving just for me.

10.It's DUMB that food consumes my life as much as it does.

There are plenty of more DUMB things about being GFDF, but that will do for now. I hate to overwhelm you with my bitterness.

Back to my original story now. Without getting into detail, I left the table with a twice-my-normal-size-bloated-belly still wanting to be fed. Thankfully I had snacks to tide me over, but when it's 9:00pm and you haven't eaten a meal since 12pm, that doesn't help the situation either.

I'm home now. And after a long night's rest (although perhaps not long enough), I'm feeling mostly normal. Let's hope it doesn't hit my again later tonight, but for the moment I can't complain. OK, I know this whole post is basically one long complaint, but you get my drift. At least I know for SURE that I am allergic to gluten and dairy. Not that I questioned it before (I actually did) but somewhere in the back of my head I am still convinced I've made this all up. Other peoples' dirty looks don't help either.

P.S.

It's DUMB that I take as many digestive enzymes as a woman in her 90's trying to ensure she has a good BM once a week. I'm still thankful to have one a day.

18 months

I must admit (and it's quite obvious) that I don't blog much about my gluten intolerance. It's been a long battle this last year and a half that I sort of put on the back burner. It's not that I don't follow a gluten free AND dairy free lifestyle, but it's not something I put much time into. I eat food I can eat, don't go out as easily as I used to, and go on with life.

Going gluten free has been a HUGE inconvenience. I am thankful, 18 months later, to not deal with many stomachaches any more, perhaps one every two weeks, and not nearly as painful as they used to be. Whatever stomach pains I have now I associate more so with stress, anxiety, and the IBS I will perhaps forever struggle with.

In the last 18 months I graduated from college, moved, got a new "real" job, and survived my first year out of school. It's been a hellish year, but I am on the back end of it now, I hope. All that being said, I didn't have much energy to put into being creative with my diet or experimenting with new recipes or ingredients.

I realized this was especially true when at a celebratory dinner the other night a friend/co-worker revealed to another co-worker, "she eats tuna sandwiches on rice cakes!" To which I cringed at the thought. I eat some weird things and sadly am ashamed of most of them! Sure, I have always had some odd eating habits (thanks mom), but it's only gotten worse since going gluten free.

So what do I miss about gluten?

I miss the ease of making a sandwich for lunch, eating at Subway, baking cookies that don't melt over the entire pan, holiday goodies, Saturday morning pancakes, Texas Sheet Cake, eating out without modifying the menu, pizza, burgers with buns, not drawing attention to myself for what I eat, not having to think about the food I am about to put in my mouth, and free food provided by special events. The list goes on, believe me.

But to be honest, it's not that bad anymore. I have found a variety of restaurants that cater to my food issues and most the people around me understand my issues and trust my judgement. 18 months later I am finally feeling mostly OK, and believe me, that is a HUGE relief! I don't feel perfect all the time, but who actually does these days? Over caffeination, extreme servings or fat, sugar, and sodium along with diet soda, eating while driving/running/standing, consuming portions too big for any human make it quite easy to suffer from occasional digestive discomfort.

All that rambling to say I have GOT to start making more of an effort with my diet. It's about time I remember to enjoy what I consume through that pie hole in my face.