New Year, New You (Me)

Have you read Julie and Julia? Seen the movie? Well, in both this character, Julie (duh), is inspired to cook through Julia Child's cookbook in a year-some 500+ recipes. Now, unfortunately we know I cannot eat about 98% of the recipes in her cookbook, but seeing that today is New Years Eve, I am feeling inspired to try something for myself this next year.

I'm not typically the one to make a New Year's resolution (or multiple for that matter), but for some reason this year I've decided to consciously make a few changes or goals for myself. Nothing major, just a new, fresh look at the new year. Hence the new.

So, in theme with making New Year's resolutions, what should my goal be for 2010?

Photo Fun

Here is how I spent my afternoon (and some afternoons last month)...editing photos I mean:

Here is to Miss Rose. Another day, another post to the rest.

Panicking at the Disco

Per the suggestion of a friend I am here, writing, to get something off my chest. To be honest I am not really sure what I am getting off my chest, but whatever it is, it needs to go.

Currently, I feel like throwing up. Yum! Just what you wanted to hear, I am sure. But this time I don't think it has anything to do with something I ate. I think it has everything to do with anxiety.

To suffer from anxiety is to have, "a vague unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of some (usually ill-defined) misfortune." The part that gets me there is the whole "usually ill-defined" thing. Reading that part alone seems to discount the feelings that accompany anxiety. It gives the lump in the throat, the stomach discomfort, the panicked breathing, the adrenaline pumping, the sense of homesickness (when at home) less credit than it deserves, as if it were a figment of my imagination. Or is it?

Ill-defined. What does that even mean? Well, apparently it is an adjective that means "poorly stated or described." In that case, I supposed that is a valid statement, and therefore a valid definition of anxiety. After all, I never can quite seem to pinpoint my anxiety, er, "misfortune."

But maybe the focus here should not be just on "ill-defined" but rather on the "ill" part. Is anxiety an illness? According to most, yes. But if it's based on "ill-defined misfortunes" then wouldn't that imply that it's based on nothing? Nothing worth being based on anyways. And if that is the case, then how do you know if you have anxiety or if you are just making it up?

Shoot, that was something only an anxious person would say, huh? Oh well. Whatever!

I think by the end of this brief post I have diagnosed myself. See at the beginning, where I said "...something off my chest...not really sure what I am getting off my chest..."? Don't you agree that fits right in with the whole "ill-defined" thing? Before I even knew the exact definition of anxiety my comments fit right in with it. Looks like I ratted myself out.

Now, what to do with this ill-defined nothingness that seems oh so present.

Too Long

I suppose I cannot quite call myself and avid blogger considering I have taken as long of a hiatus as I have. But maybe that's a good thing.

23 has already treated me much better than 22, and for that I just gave a huge sigh of relief. I cannot point my finger at any particular change, but it's been a good year so far (not even a month long, but I am being hopeful and attempting to trust a little more).

My stomach problems have been no better than last year, maybe even worse, but this is the year to figure it out! Speaking of which, I have learned one new thing about my stomach in the past month. Monday-Thursday=stomach pain. Fri-Sunday=happy as a clam, calm as a cucumber. I'm guessing this has something to do with the day to day work stress I face, or maybe the whole sitting at a desk for 6-8 hrs. thing that I so often do, but I'm not sure how to go about making changes so that this is no longer the case. So maybe this is a sign that what my weekends entail are usually good for me, but does that mean the rest of it is bad for me? Unfortunately every day is not a weekend (even though I still work weekends).

So there is that.

I've also been super encouraged by some of the people around me lately, especially those who have spent a lot of time with me and know me well. I am not the type to reveal all of who I am from the get-go. It takes a while for me to open up. But for those who [are lucky enough to] know me well, are really encouraging to me at times. I love that I've stayed close with some of the families who I babysit/sat for. So refreshing!

I realize this blog may not be all that interesting, but whatever!

"Spiritual Renewal"

I put that title in quotes not as a proper form of punctuation but instead because, well, let's just call them "air quotes."

Back in October our staff was granted a block of time out of the office to focus on spending time with God and away from all that is during this time of year. The time, date, location, and goal for that time was up to us. So what did I do? Picked a time and date, location (a few), and set a couple of open ended goals with the intent that I would wait and see what I felt like that day to really focus on.

To be honest, I went in to work this morning thinking it was scheduled for next Wednesday, but to my surprise (and joy!) the day was today. So, 1pm rolled around and out I went. Now, my goal for this is not to tell you about some miraculous interaction or God encounter that I had-that's just not my style. A is for AWkwARd. My goal for this is well...

...to tell you that I fell asleep. Yep, that's what I did. Apparently "spiritual renewal" in fact implies sleeping, hence the air quotes. This is not the first time I've done this...actually last time I fell asleep twice. Ya, there was some other stuff at the beginning and end, but most my time was spent sleeping. So my question is this, does that still count as spiritual renewal?

I think it does.