what makes YOUR IBS flare up?

Crap, why does John Mayer make such good "let's contemplate my life" music? I'm not sure what it is exactly. I'm not sure if John Mayer even contemplates his own life considering all the *cough* respectable life choices he seems to make. But who am I to judge? For all I know he sits in his underwear strumming away at his guitar in rainy weather drinking chamomile tea while writing in his journal and staring at the stars. While I may not be as talented, coordinated or have such an ability to multi-task, I have had some contemplative moments in the last few days. Maybe it has something to do with actually having days of with no agenda and nothing to do? Man, I should really get me some more of those--then I'd be really awesome.

All that to say, here's my question for you: What call in your life most scares the crap out of you?

And by scared I mean:
1. Makes you want to vomit
2. Pisses you off a little
3. Makes you actually consider running a marathon in the opposite direction
4. Makes your IBS flare up
5. Actually makes you consider the Peace Corps as a good, albeit "long term" option

And I don't mean:
1. Makes you jump for joy like you just unstuffed a box of kleenex in under a minute
2. Makes watching "The Bachelorette" with your significant other sound like the best idea EVER
3. Makes Ali look like a real winner (See above)
4. Inspires you to start selling "Texas Tails" like it was the best invention ever made (akin to the "Bump It")
[here is my other shameless plug for this also incredible creation for all those hoping to add a little "pop" to their life, i.e. girls who wish they were black]
5. Tricks you into thinking these are the classiest girls EVER (1)

Now, I hope that wasn't too distracting for you. Offensive? Maybe. Distracting? Who am I kidding--I just distracted myself.

Back to the original topic (which ironically has absolutely nothing to do with any of the things listed above). So, what call most scares the crap out of you?

Today I realized that whatever that "call" is on your life is probably the thing you are actually meant to do. Me? What scares the crap out of me? Ministry. But don't worry, I'm still in denial on this one. The thing is, I'm pretty damn good at at, or maybe I am just responsible and hard working, but either way it seems as though everything in my life has pointed me in exactly the direction I am going. I've avoided it as much as possible. I've tried to think of other things to do with my time and talents. I've come up with some pretty good ideas in the process too. But the thing is, while those are all great, I don't think they are for me. I think where I am is where I'm meant to be, for now.

You see how I added that "for now" thing at the end there? That's the denial. I say it not because its true but because adding it to any statement immediately makes the statement seem less permanent and therefore less scary. Adding "for now" adds a sense of hope and that everything-will-be-OK feeling only your mom, baby blanket, and cake can give you. Apparently "for now" is a commitment phobes life mottow--which I am beginning to wonder if I am. I don't use the phrase often, just on the important things I guess. Crap.

Clearly this is a work in process for me and I imagine it is for you too. I'm not sure at what point this call with settle well with me. I'm not sure if it ever will. Scripture says God will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4); he never said he would make sure I was comfortable in the process.

(1) Have you noticed yet that I probably watch too much late night T.V.?

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Thanks for listening. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again, I'm writing this for no other reason than to share my spaghetti thoughts with you and hopefully give you a laugh. And if you didn't follow, go back to the beginning, read it again, and see if you can figure me out. I dare you.