facebook break

Did you ever participate in "Model UN"? I did. I was pretty terrible at it and I assume the only reason I was a part of it was because I was forced to as a part of taking advanced classes. As an 8th grade class we discussed politics and current events, always picking a side to defend. Sometimes our side was determined for us in attempt to challenge our way of thinking and strengthen our debate skills. At least once we went to a Model UN conference of sorts where we debated other kids from other schools. We arrived in our yellow school bus wearing black business attire with sack lunches in hand. The black attire was about as much "business" as I accomplished that day. I was [am] a terrible debater.

You see, my problem is this: I constantly debate everything in my mind. I think things over and over and over again until I come to my own conclusion on things. I can always see both sides of things, which ultimately challenges my ability to choose and debate one side of a topic or argument. However, when it comes to day to day life/moral/ethical/practical decisions I can be pretty cut-throat. I know right from wrong, stick to it, and have strong opinions. Politics and current events are difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

You know what else I can't seem to wrap my mind around? Facebook. Good 'ol FB. People love it, hate it, love to hate it and love to love it. I literally cannot think of one person over the age of 12 in my life that doesn't have FB. My mom has it, my grandparents, friends, teachers, co-workers, boss--you name 'em they've got it. Except me. Don't get me wrong, I had FB at one point. I went through my Myspace phase towards the beginning of college and rocked it like all the hard-core emo kids with droopy, smudged eyes, faded photos and camera angles from far above or to the side. [Ok, maybe I didn't rock it that much]. That lasted at least a year or two until I went to the other side. I joined FB.

It confused me at first--yet another thing I could not wrap my mind around. Once I finally understood the concept of people wanting to know what I was doing at every moment of the day, and how to document the lives of my friends through digital albums that took eons to load, I was hooked. To know what my friends were doing, to catch up or at least find old friends from decades not so long ago was a thrill. I quickly joined the ranks of snoops emulating the FBI. My everyday conversations became convoluted with FB references as it had clearly tainted every aspect of my life. It became one more thing to check, one more thing to keep up on. I loved stalk--er--catching up on people's lives more than sharing my own, although that could be potentially fun as well. FB quickly became a part of life for my generation and those before me in about as much time as it takes for a jr. higher to finish off a bag of skittles.

What's the problem you ask? Did you notice the last few paragraphs were written in the past tense? Well, it's because FB was a part of my life. Over a year ago I decided that I didn't like the hold it had on my life. I wanted to start living in the present focusing on my life instead of being consumed by the lives of others. It's far too easy for me to compare my life to others, and FB is a great tool for doing that. FB is the polished version of ourselves. It is everything we want to share with the world and nothing that's too private. If you go on FB and pick a photo album to sift through, chances are slim you'll find a picture of the author lounging on the couch watching T.V. in pajamas while eating popcorn with unbrushed hair (not a personal jab, I promise). Instead you'll find pictures from a vacation to Cabo, a night out with friends, the last time you went to the beach, and all awesome, documentable adventures people go on. While all those things are great, I hate finding out about my "friends" lives like that, and even more I hate when I look through pictures wishing my life was something it wasn't.

The fact is, I love my life and am having so much fun-almost too much fun. Why rock the boat? Why fix what ain't broken? Maybe I should take a chance, maybe I should try it out again. Maybe, maybe, maybe. The forever debate running in my head. The one I may never figure out without taking that chance.

Insights welcome.