facebook break

Did you ever participate in "Model UN"? I did. I was pretty terrible at it and I assume the only reason I was a part of it was because I was forced to as a part of taking advanced classes. As an 8th grade class we discussed politics and current events, always picking a side to defend. Sometimes our side was determined for us in attempt to challenge our way of thinking and strengthen our debate skills. At least once we went to a Model UN conference of sorts where we debated other kids from other schools. We arrived in our yellow school bus wearing black business attire with sack lunches in hand. The black attire was about as much "business" as I accomplished that day. I was [am] a terrible debater.

You see, my problem is this: I constantly debate everything in my mind. I think things over and over and over again until I come to my own conclusion on things. I can always see both sides of things, which ultimately challenges my ability to choose and debate one side of a topic or argument. However, when it comes to day to day life/moral/ethical/practical decisions I can be pretty cut-throat. I know right from wrong, stick to it, and have strong opinions. Politics and current events are difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

You know what else I can't seem to wrap my mind around? Facebook. Good 'ol FB. People love it, hate it, love to hate it and love to love it. I literally cannot think of one person over the age of 12 in my life that doesn't have FB. My mom has it, my grandparents, friends, teachers, co-workers, boss--you name 'em they've got it. Except me. Don't get me wrong, I had FB at one point. I went through my Myspace phase towards the beginning of college and rocked it like all the hard-core emo kids with droopy, smudged eyes, faded photos and camera angles from far above or to the side. [Ok, maybe I didn't rock it that much]. That lasted at least a year or two until I went to the other side. I joined FB.

It confused me at first--yet another thing I could not wrap my mind around. Once I finally understood the concept of people wanting to know what I was doing at every moment of the day, and how to document the lives of my friends through digital albums that took eons to load, I was hooked. To know what my friends were doing, to catch up or at least find old friends from decades not so long ago was a thrill. I quickly joined the ranks of snoops emulating the FBI. My everyday conversations became convoluted with FB references as it had clearly tainted every aspect of my life. It became one more thing to check, one more thing to keep up on. I loved stalk--er--catching up on people's lives more than sharing my own, although that could be potentially fun as well. FB quickly became a part of life for my generation and those before me in about as much time as it takes for a jr. higher to finish off a bag of skittles.

What's the problem you ask? Did you notice the last few paragraphs were written in the past tense? Well, it's because FB was a part of my life. Over a year ago I decided that I didn't like the hold it had on my life. I wanted to start living in the present focusing on my life instead of being consumed by the lives of others. It's far too easy for me to compare my life to others, and FB is a great tool for doing that. FB is the polished version of ourselves. It is everything we want to share with the world and nothing that's too private. If you go on FB and pick a photo album to sift through, chances are slim you'll find a picture of the author lounging on the couch watching T.V. in pajamas while eating popcorn with unbrushed hair (not a personal jab, I promise). Instead you'll find pictures from a vacation to Cabo, a night out with friends, the last time you went to the beach, and all awesome, documentable adventures people go on. While all those things are great, I hate finding out about my "friends" lives like that, and even more I hate when I look through pictures wishing my life was something it wasn't.

The fact is, I love my life and am having so much fun-almost too much fun. Why rock the boat? Why fix what ain't broken? Maybe I should take a chance, maybe I should try it out again. Maybe, maybe, maybe. The forever debate running in my head. The one I may never figure out without taking that chance.

Insights welcome.

WONDER

2010 has brought a lot of change in me. Change that I so desperately hoped for without expecting it to happen. What change you ask? Well, first, I don't think I've never been as happy as I am. Second, I've never had this much fun. Third, I've never been this adventurous. Fourth, I've never felt this confident. I'm incredibly grateful for such changes and continue to be excited for what's in store for me.

For the longest time now I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that God has BIG things in store for me. I realize that "big things" is a very loose term which could mean multiple things on many levels. I have no clue what these BIG things are or how they will play out, but I trust that God has a plan for my life. I am trying to wait patiently to see what these BIG things are, but I cannot help but WONDER. I WONDER when these big things will happen. I WONDER what these big things are. I WONDER who will be involved and what it will look like.

WONDER is an exciting thing. In WONDER I find a sense of hope and confidence in what the future will bring. In WONDER there is a sense of looking forward to something. The possibilities are endless and the dreams are BIG. But to be honest, I don't even know what to dream about.

As a little girl I dreamt of many, many things, and I dreamt them over and over and over. Part of the thrill of dreaming was the opportunity to plan and let me tell you, I'm a planner. What better combination could there be? The only problem with that now is that you cannot plan what you do not know. The possibilities are endless and I'm trying my hardest to be OK with that. I am trying to be OK not knowing and OK waiting. I'm not about to box myself in with a plan of my own, although sometimes I think that would be much easier. I have a few ideas of my own, which are about the size of a mustard seed. And while that may seem small, I know it could mean BIG things.

WONDER what some of my ideas are? Stay tuned and maybe I'll share.

To be continued...

ONE

I'm beginning to feel and see a lot of change around me. It's a bittersweet feeling, but something I asked for I guess.

You see, a few weeks back my pastor asked us to choose ONE thing to pray for this summer. ONE thing we wanted. ONE thing we wanted to know. ONE thing to continually bring to the Lord in prayer. Initially I didn't know what my ONE thing would be as it is difficult to choose just ONE thing when the possibilities and curiosities are endless.

In the end I decided to pray for this: What next step am I supposed to take?

Like I said, there is a lot of change surrounding me. Until now little of it has directly affected me. Even now the change still doesn't have anything to do with me but will affect me long term and change the dynamics surrounding me. It is a bittersweet feeling, but one that I know is right.

...to be continued.

you're so welcome

I'm turning into my sister. And by that I mean that I am quite the techy-multi-tasker and internet junkie these days. I'm not saying it's a healthy obsession, but give me a break already--a girl's aloud a vice or two, right?

Here are my two favorite websites, totally worth the time it will take you to follow the link. I promise you. Just be prepared to get sucked in. And try not to judge.

www.peopleofwalmart.com

www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

You're so welcome.

P.S. If the links don't work, just cut and paste.

if I had a twitter...

this is what I'd tweet:

@lli$on

Thursday lunch: Yep, Hanging out with my good friend Kelly Rowland (Destiny's Child) at @UrthCafe. Officially my new favorite eatery.

Thursday snack #12: Who knew so many froyo flavors existed outside the O.C. gates? I love you nutella flavored yogurt. I love you @Twirl.

Thursday appetizer: Hey Charlie from "The Hills"! Thanks for hanging out today. Your mom seems really super.

Thursday snack #17(1): @Twirl, I won't judge you for cleaning out the Nutella machine if you don't judge me for eating yogurt twice in one day.

Thursday evening: Note to self: 1. Start ministry union, 2. Start movement to double the salary of people in ministry union, 3. If previous actions fail, begin strike, 4. When that fails, get over yourself and be grateful for what you have.

Thursday later evening: So it IS possible to go to the same store at two different locations and buy something different at each one. Thanks @nthropologie! You make my life just swell.

RT @KatOss: Spotted A.Mo stalking celebs...Hopefully she won't get caught, you know you love me xoxo KatOss

(1) Also, please don't judge me for documenting my day by meals and snacks.

Thanks. You're welcome.

GAM

Please, please, please go to this website and read through as much of it as you can.

http://www.deargirlsaboveme.com/

Your welcome.

You can thank me later.

A.mo

what makes YOUR IBS flare up?

Crap, why does John Mayer make such good "let's contemplate my life" music? I'm not sure what it is exactly. I'm not sure if John Mayer even contemplates his own life considering all the *cough* respectable life choices he seems to make. But who am I to judge? For all I know he sits in his underwear strumming away at his guitar in rainy weather drinking chamomile tea while writing in his journal and staring at the stars. While I may not be as talented, coordinated or have such an ability to multi-task, I have had some contemplative moments in the last few days. Maybe it has something to do with actually having days of with no agenda and nothing to do? Man, I should really get me some more of those--then I'd be really awesome.

All that to say, here's my question for you: What call in your life most scares the crap out of you?

And by scared I mean:
1. Makes you want to vomit
2. Pisses you off a little
3. Makes you actually consider running a marathon in the opposite direction
4. Makes your IBS flare up
5. Actually makes you consider the Peace Corps as a good, albeit "long term" option

And I don't mean:
1. Makes you jump for joy like you just unstuffed a box of kleenex in under a minute
2. Makes watching "The Bachelorette" with your significant other sound like the best idea EVER
3. Makes Ali look like a real winner (See above)
4. Inspires you to start selling "Texas Tails" like it was the best invention ever made (akin to the "Bump It")
[here is my other shameless plug for this also incredible creation for all those hoping to add a little "pop" to their life, i.e. girls who wish they were black]
5. Tricks you into thinking these are the classiest girls EVER (1)

Now, I hope that wasn't too distracting for you. Offensive? Maybe. Distracting? Who am I kidding--I just distracted myself.

Back to the original topic (which ironically has absolutely nothing to do with any of the things listed above). So, what call most scares the crap out of you?

Today I realized that whatever that "call" is on your life is probably the thing you are actually meant to do. Me? What scares the crap out of me? Ministry. But don't worry, I'm still in denial on this one. The thing is, I'm pretty damn good at at, or maybe I am just responsible and hard working, but either way it seems as though everything in my life has pointed me in exactly the direction I am going. I've avoided it as much as possible. I've tried to think of other things to do with my time and talents. I've come up with some pretty good ideas in the process too. But the thing is, while those are all great, I don't think they are for me. I think where I am is where I'm meant to be, for now.

You see how I added that "for now" thing at the end there? That's the denial. I say it not because its true but because adding it to any statement immediately makes the statement seem less permanent and therefore less scary. Adding "for now" adds a sense of hope and that everything-will-be-OK feeling only your mom, baby blanket, and cake can give you. Apparently "for now" is a commitment phobes life mottow--which I am beginning to wonder if I am. I don't use the phrase often, just on the important things I guess. Crap.

Clearly this is a work in process for me and I imagine it is for you too. I'm not sure at what point this call with settle well with me. I'm not sure if it ever will. Scripture says God will give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4); he never said he would make sure I was comfortable in the process.

(1) Have you noticed yet that I probably watch too much late night T.V.?

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Thanks for listening. I've mentioned it before and I'll say it again, I'm writing this for no other reason than to share my spaghetti thoughts with you and hopefully give you a laugh. And if you didn't follow, go back to the beginning, read it again, and see if you can figure me out. I dare you.

[ˌmisəˈlānēəs]

It's really too bad John Mayer is such a man-whore; he makes some pretty damn good rain-in-July music. If rain-in-July had a musical equivalent "Continuum" would be it.

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Apparently I don't text very well. But you see, that's just it--I don't text well when I don't like you. Boo-ya. The criticism's all yours.

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Do you ever find yourself unknowingly giving dirty looks? Well, not so much "unknowingly" as "oops-did-I-just-make-that-face-out-loud?"
I tend to do it most often when:

1. I'm tired
2. I don't care
3. You just did something retarded
4. You deserved it
5. You should really stop doing that

...I'd say such looks are uncommon coming from me, but really I just usually do a better job keeping the looks to myself.

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No amount of time will prepare me to "get back into the swing of things" at work or home. So for now I am pretending everything is vacation. Work tomorrow? Just a little blip in my day. Need to have a meeting with me? Sorry, I'm on vacation. Need me to drop something off in the building? Sorry, on vacation. Answer the phone? Return your e-mail? Vacation. I'll get back to you when I feel like it, thank you.
[Side note: any thoughts on making this my "out of office" return e-mail?]

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Just when I thought I was "in", I had one of those cool-kids-at-the-lunch-table moments, and I was on the wrong end. Haven't felt like that since J. High when my 3 "really cool" friends and I ate lunch together-er-seperate from everyone else. OR when my caring "friends" so considerately referred to me by their loving-if not descriptive-pet name, "Powder". Good thing I brought my own lunch, I didn't want to eat your grubby, processed shi-I mean, food, anyways.

Seriously though--shafting people is about as cool as LiLo becoming plastic. While you're busy being a "typical selfish, back-stabbing slut-faced ho-bag" I will happily maintain my status as the "home schooled jungle freak" (1).

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Thanks for listening. Please join me again soon in the midst of my infinite abyss (2).

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1. Anyone?
2. Anyone?

picture worth a thousand words

You know the phrase, "I'm a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll"? Or maybe it's a song lyric (have I ever mentioned that I rarely pay attention to the lyrics--except for the really inappropriate ones you just can't get past?). Well, I'm definitely NOT country, and I wouldn't say I am much rock and roll either, but I am a little bit of a few things.

I'm a little bit grandma.
I'm a little bit gangsta.
I'm a little bit tired.
I'm unfortunately a lot gluten free.

Picture worth a thousand words: