Seriously?

Pretty much the whole of last week I spent bloated-and not the "OMG, I feel so fat" kind of bloated. Each day the bloating started a little earlier--5pm Tuesday, 3pm Wednesday, 3pm Thursday, 1pm Friday, 11am Saturday...seriously?? When this happens I usually start asking myself a million questions:

1. What have I eaten today?

2. Was there something in my food I shouldn't have eaten?

3. Am I just stressed?

4. Do I need sleep?

5. Seriously, what did I eat to cause this?

6. What can I eat/do to fix this?

7. How many different medicines can I try to make this go away?

8. Is it possible to overdose on a cocktail of the following meds?

-Anti-heartburn

-Maalox

-Digestive Enzymes

-Gax-X (extra strength)

-Ginger Tea

-Smooth Move Tea

9. Why did I drink all that tea??? This was a bad idea.

The only thing that makes it "go away" would be laying on the couch doing nothing. The discomfort is still there, but for some reason laying down seems to relax my system for the time being.

What was my next plan of action? Call mom: WHAT? I need to cut out all grains? Seriously?

On to my next venture: no grains. Seriously now, what is left to eat? My diet has consisted of the following for the past two days:

1. Pumpkin

2. Trail Mix

3. Coffee

4. Tuna

5. Peanut/Almond Butter

6. Apples

7. Bananas

8. Lettuce

9. Popcorn*

10. Mixed frozen vegetables*

11. Eggs

*oops--contained corn...who knew corn was a grain?

Depressing. It's sad to say I'm not sure if I even like food anymore. I have become incredibly fearful of trying any new food and/or eating out in the past few months. It's just not worth it. When it comes down to it, I would rather just eat at home. Even still my diet has become quite limited as you can see. I know this sounds like a dream diet to some where carbs are non-existent-but seriously, it's just not worth it.

I guess GFDF now has a new meaning--GRAIN Free, Dairy Free. Free-DUMB that is.

Hungry Hippo

Are you ever just so hungry that you cannot seem to get full? I wonder if this is something normal people ever feel or if it is solely a characteristic of those with food allergies. It's not that I crave a particular food and won't feel satisfied until I get that food (although a Sprinkle cupcakes doesn't sound so bad), it's more so that there just seems to be no food in the world that satiates me. I am always a little hungry, never fully satisfied, and always wanting more.

Thanks to my mother I try very hard to fill up on greens (if you want to eat, eat a head of lettuce!) but that just doesn't do it. My go to food is peanut butter. I eat it on everything: rice cakes, tortillas, apples, cereal (don't ask), my finger, a spoon, rice bread, chocolate chips, other nuts, carrots (again, don't ask), and anything else that might be found in my fridge or pantry. Peanut butter is salty, sweet, GFDF, and delicious. It goes with just about anything and is full of protein that actually satisfies more often than not. I can easily go through a jar of this heavenly staple in 7-10 days.

Is this inability to feel satisfied common to us allergy ridden people or is this part of my family's digestive curse?Perhaps I really was made to be a little plump. Maybe then a drop in blood sugar wouldn't instigate WWIII or an F-5 tornado warning with anyone in my path.

What satisfies you? How do you get full on GFDF food?

Whatever

It's my new word, my new mentality, my new theory on life. And so far it is working!

If you have read any of my previous posts you will know that I have struggled through the last year or so of "growing up." I've had anxiety, stress, frustrations (all of the above really) and I am looking forward to the end of 22. That being said, "whatever" has become my new motto. You should make it yours too. Why, you ask?

Said something a little bit harsh to your co-worker, turning down her idea with a dirty look you did not realize you gave when she was already having a bad day? Whatever. It won't kill her.

Just got paid and want to go shopping at your favorite store with your 15% off-because-it's-your-birthday card although most your paycheck should probably go to your credit card? Whatever. Credit card balance will be there with the next check too. That fabulous coat may not be.

Only went to 2 out of 5 financial classes your boss "strongly suggested" you try going to this year because 2 of those nights you simply did not want to go? Whatever. I'm a big girl. I can figure out my own ish. Who said I needed a will at 22 anyways?

Finished off your pantry because you just couldn't seem to get full or feel satisfied by all things GFDF? Whatever. Tomorrow is a new day and who said you could not eat peanut butter on, well, everything non-peanut butter in your pantry?

Gave attitude to your co-worker (not above mentioned) because you got verbally slapped on the wrist by her for no good reason? Whatever. It's not my problem she is anal. I didn't want to help load her car anyways.

I guess I've now revealed a little more about myself than perhaps I should have, but this mentality is a great new way of life! When the going gets tough-whatever! Life goes on. I'll make more mistakes, screw up a few more times, and ultimately make a fool of myself (or go broke), but what's the use of stressing to the point of anxiety, depression, frustration, and the list goes on? I think I may have just created my own version of McMama's Not Me Monday. Maybe this can be my Whatever Wednesday (oops, it's Monday). Maybe I'll become fabulous and famous of my new blog idea. Until then, whatever.

How much is too much?

When it comes to blogging, there are many types of bloggers. There are those that reveal every name, date, and location their story or life is associate with. There are those that disguise every individual in their family with cutsie nic-names as if they are in the witness protection program.

Then there is me. I lean more towards the witness protection spectrum, but with a twist. I have always been a very honest person. I like to think it has something to do with my name, which (am I NOW revealing too much?) "truthful." Now, this honesty I exude is not just up to truth vs. lie, but rather, a general sense of honesty I tend to share with people. It is true, "I cannot tell a lie," but the honesty I am prone to is telling people when they are ridiculous or need a reality check. I am also prone to seeing things for what they are and not necessarily being coy when it comes to sharing those thoughts.

So, my question it this: when it comes to blogging, how much is too much? Some people might consider what I have to say "raw" which I most definitely take it stride, but where does the line need to be drawn?

Best WeekEND Ever!

Finally! I had a real weekend! Even better, a 4-day weekend :)

"Real" weekends do not happen often in my kind of work. If I am lucky I have Saturday off to pretend like I am a normal person, but most work weeks are 6 days+. Because I baby-sit every Friday I kind of do it to myself, but baby-sitting is something hands on that I am good at, comes naturally, and pays well. It is a good way to not worry about the things of everyday life and focus on someone else for a change of pace.

THURSDAY-SATURDAY

Anyways, this weekend I was blessed to be in my first college roommate's wedding. I say "blessed" not because it was a wedding or because it is what I should say but because it was an honor to be asked and it turned into a HUGE reprieve for me that I was not expecting. Sure it was busy leading up to the weekend right when we were hit with the rehearsal dinner, pampering, errands, and people, people, people! However, it was incredibly refreshing to be with new people. There was no real agenda. I am SO thankful I set as much time aside as I did. It allowed me to focus on nothing more than the wedding, the bride, the friends, and everything going on with it. There was no stress involved, just being supportive and easy going.

For the first time in a long time I felt 22 in a good way. I felt young this weekend. I felt like I experienced life the way most of my peers do. We pampered ourselves by getting our nails and hair done. Hung out at the bride & groom's place with the wedding party. Stayed in a hotel the night before drinking champagne, eating Mexican, and playing catch phrase. Went to breakfast, salon, then wedding!

I loved getting to spend this special time with the bride and other friends from college. Everyone was fun and easy going-a breath of fresh air. We ate, we danced, and then I even went out afterwards! This is not something I do regularly, usually due to my schedule and/or mental/emotional burnout. But not this weekend!

And good news! I could eat at the wedding without asking for special requests! For this reason alone I am a huge fan of buffet receptions and good, clean food. For once the food I could eat outnumbered what I couldn't! Chicken, baked apple, red potatoes, grilled veggies...delicious. I might even repeat this meal at my own wedding...whenever that day comes.

Despite all the fun we had together, one of the most memorable moments was getting to pray with the bride before the wedding. I knew it could be perceived by some as cheesy. Even I debated whether or not to do it. But then the moment presented itself and I took the opportunity. The bride and groom do not practice any particular religion regularly although I think they were both raised in such families. But, given the basis of my friendship with the bride, I felt it was appropriate and needed. With all the stress, all the anxiety, excitement, nerves, and the fact that a wedding is a HUGE life marker, what better way to enter marriage than by inviting God into that relationship? This just happened to be an opportune moment I do not think I would have had otherwise. I do not think I have actually ever prayed with her before. I just had this overwhelming sense that this was something only I would consider doing with her in that moment. Only I could play that role in her life on that day, in that moment. I am so glad I took the time to stop for that brief moment.

SUNDAY

Woke up at 9:30am! A HUGE feat in my book, thanks in part to covering my paper-thin blinds with a dark colored sheet. Breakfast, laying on the couch catching up on SNL and Real Housewives, followed by an 8 mile walk. Wait, what?? 8 miles you ask? Yes, 2.5 hours (3 if you count the stop at Roger's Garden for a breather) and 8 miles later I ended up back at home. I guess I just didn't realize how far of a walk it would be since it is such a simple and direct path to getting there (Roger's Garden). I do not know what inspired me or where I got the energy, but it was a beautiful day and a great way to spend the afternoon!

SUNDAY PM

I got an iPhone! Sure, I did not have a phone for 3-4 days (and lost all my numbers AGAIN), but I have the iPhone I have wanted for the past year! Now to collect all those numbers again...

MONDAY

No work for me! I am taking preventative comp time for all the events, etc. that we have going on, so Monday is the final extension of my weekend. I have no real intentions other than making a return (sad day), and going to a finance class at night (ugh). Other than that the day is mine!

Bliss.