still

I’ve been waking up before the crack of dawn the last few days, and I’m pissed! This has happened before, but I’d really like to know the actual cause of my restlessness. So far, all I can conjure is that it’s because:

1. Those damn birds! That's exactly what I thought around 3am when I first heard them, and it’s what I thought when I woke up “officially” at 5am, It’s also what I am currently thinking, at precisely 5:47am. Apparently March brings Spring AND the birds that come with it. I should probably be more encouraged by the “awakening of spring” and the sound of birds chirping out my window, but I’m not. They are loud. Irritating. And should be shot.*
2. I love breakfast. But I ALWAYS love breakfast. Mind you, I think I’ve eaten the same thing for breakfast for the last 4 years, but something about it still gets me out of bed in the morning. Occasionally I go to bed thinking about it...and occasionally I switch it up. Either way, I love it, but it’s no reason to wake up before the crack of dawn.
3. Too much sleep. Is it really possible? Apparently so if I choose option “c” as my final answer to this rather annoying situation.
4. Too little food. This would be the second part to option "b". Still trying to figure this one out...
5. I gave up T.V. for lent. How does that have to do with anything you ask? Well, If it’s not the answer to my problem, it surely would be the solution to these early mornings. (See explanation below)

*OK, maybe not shot for real, but other options with the same end result welcome (peace and quiet).

Although I started lent a week late, I’m still attempting to take it seriously. "Seriously" in the sense that I am sticking to it as much as possible, debating if I will take Sundays off as in traditional lent. I’m not a “traditional” lenter. I did not grow up doing it, I did not understand the concept until recently, and to be honest, I previously associated it with Catholics, which I previously assumed were crazy (i.e. probably not really Christians). All that to say, I’ve practiced lent a few times in my adult life and this year is no different. Except that I am fasting T.V., which is actually really hard.

I love T.V. And when I say “love”, I mean it like a fat kid who loves cake...and watching T.V. while eating it. Prior to my birth, my family didn’t own a T.V. From my understanding, T.V. was practically sin in their book. Then they moved, I came along, and now I am making up for the years they spent without T.V. As a 2nd grader my sister broke her arm riding down a hill, on a bike, with no brakes (although she still blames the other girl who got in her way). “Do you want to come with us to the hospital, or stay at home with your brother?” asked my dad. Well of course I chose home. Why? To catch up on “The Simpsons” with my brother. Nor could you peel me away from any good Pauly Shore movie or quality 90’s cinema (Son-in-Law, Biodome, Mrs. Doubtfire, Encino Man, Empire Records...you know, the wholesome stuff). So, all that to say, I loved T.V., I love T.V., and I will always love T.V.

Back to lent and my early rising (no shining). If for lent you are supposed to give something up that you truly love, a vice, then T.V. is it for me. While I can’t say T.V. consumes my life, it’s definitely my fall-back way to relax, unwind, fill time, fold laundry, play Words with Friends, or the like. Now, 3 days into it, I’m enjoying the peace, quiet, and productivity of my new T.V. free life, but also blame it for waking up earlier. Why? Because I now get bored at night with nothing to do, so I get into bed, I get bored on the internet, can’t yet bring myself to read, catch up on Word with Friends, then fall asleep, early. Which means I wake up, early. Which means, I have time to write about it. Because I have nothing better to do at this un-godly hour.

Maybe I’m on a T.V. detox. Getting it out of my system, recalibrating my brain and body and how they work together. I’m confident I now have too much time to think, process, think, and think some more. Perhaps I’ll come up with a new hobby by the time this is over. Maybe I’ll become a reader (I’ve always wished that for myself), or maybe I’ll have a genius epiphany in all my spare time that will a) make me millions, and (most importantly) b) make me really happy. Or maybe I'll just catch up on a month's worth of T.V. stored up in my DVR (I sure hope it can store that much!).

Well, there it is. There they are. I’ve given you 5 options as to why I’ve been waking up before the crack of dawn. I’d also like for you to know that, at precisely 6:26am, as I finish this post, it is STILL dark outside. Still. Oh, and the birds are STILL chirping. Still. I guess now this is my opporunity to BE STILL. To be still and wait on the Lord (Psalm 37:7).

p.s.

I HATE that my posts are centrally-aligned. Any help welcome.

deal-e-o

Here’s the deal. I write because I like to write. While I love the idea of blogging, having followers, and all the fame and *glory* that comes with it, I struggle to keep up with what I think are interesting things to write/talk about. Really, I shouldn't care, but much like everything else in my life-I do. To be honest, I guess you could say I am a blog snob. I don’t follow a ton of blogs, but that probably has more to do with my critical eye for them than it does with my time or ability to read them. If I don’t like a background, I opt out. Trying-too-hard title? Opt out. Inconsistent updates? Opt out. Someone who talks about their inconsistent blogging? Opt out. You name it and I can find a reason to opt out of any blog.

Judge if you’d like, but sadly I also hold myself to that standard. I want a unique, aesthetically pleasing background and font, a catchy but not annoying title, consistent updates, and I absolutely hate acknowledging that I’ve been behind in my blogging or ability to do so well. What can I say? I’m a perfectionist. The unfortunate thing is I then tend to opt out of the blogging world completely. Can’t do it well? Screw it. Can’t do it enough? Screw it. No awesomely-interesting-earth-shattering-journalism-making topic to write about? Screw it.

But that is also what I love about a good blog. I recently came across the blog of someone I’ve been following on Twitter for a few weeks now. I found it just two days ago, and already I’ve made a good dent in the 2011 posts, dabbled in the 2010’s, and gone “way” back to the 2008 posts when the blog began. The writing isn’t stellar. The pictures are random and self-taken. The colors are simple, and so are the topics. But I love that. I love that I feel like I shouldn’t be reading the blog-like I just came across my sister, or best friend’s diary and simply can’t put it down. The blog talks about daily life, work, food, exercise, relationships, things that are funny, things that are not, and everything in between. The irony is I imagine it’s pretty darn close to what my own blog would look like if I simply wrote. If I blogged what I journal, what I think, the life I live and the one I wish I lived, I’m pretty sure that’s what it would look like.

I blame time. I blame my inability to conjure an interesting enough topic that will last more than a sentence or two. I blame my lack of followers who really care. I blame...everything. I’ve been on a major hiatus. Call it my sabbatical from writing for more than just me.

The good news? Every good sabbatical comes to an end.

Like the blooger I mentioned above, I too, have a day-to-day job. One that can be completely boring, hilarious, or consuming, but [almost] always adventurous. Work will happen because I’m expected to show up and I don’t like letting people down (hence my previously noted sabbatical). But I’m also anxious to do the things I love to do, regardless of what others think, or what I think they might be thinking. I’m anxious to live life more fully. No excuses, no shit (bull).

Oh, ya. Sorry, I’m not completely opposed to cussing.

As I finish this post, I must admit one other irony. I write this not in the blogesphere but in a word processing program. Because I didn’t intend to blog it. Because I didn’t think it would be worth posting. Because I didn’t want to commit myself back to the blogging world. Because I’m a perfectionist. And didn’t think anyone would find value in this. But I wanted to write.

Cheers! to writing, not simply to blogging.